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Logically Speaking
"Darling, when we get married," said an elegant
woman,
"I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your
burden."
"Oh Darling," replied a grateful man, "you're so wonderful!
But no
worries, I don't have worries or troubles."
"Well," said the woman, "that's because we aren't married yet."
Things that are very difficult to say when you're
drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
Things that are impossible to say when you're drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
I don't want to sing.
A little boy walked to a chocolate store and said
to a beautiful saleslady, "Miss, will you marry me when I grow up?"
She smiled and replied, "Oh, that's sweet! Yes, I will."
The boy said, "Can you give your future husband a free chocolate?"
A group of managers were attending a seminar. The
seminar speaker said, "Let me ask you all a question: If you had five
frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would
you have left on the log?"
All the managers answered at once, "Two!"
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because
there
is a difference between 'deciding to jump' and 'jumping'."
A man went to see an ophthalmologist and
complained that he was short-sighted.
The doctor took him outside, pointed upward and asked,
"What do you see there?"
"The sun," the man replied.
The doctor asked, "So tell me, how far do you want to see!?"
Two men are chatting.
One of them says, "I'll bet you have to think
twice before you leave your wife alone at night."
"Yeah, that's true!" replies the other,
"First, I have to think up a reason for going out.
Second, I have to think up why she can't go with me."
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and
said,
"Wow, it's been a long time, where have you been?"
The twenty dollar bill answered, "I have been hanging out at the
casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. How about
you?"
The one dollar bill said,
"My life is quite monotonous. You know, church, church, church."
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