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Life isn't always
sweet...
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his
mother.
The mom says,
"Now Billy, pray really hard tonight, your wish will come true!"
Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep.
The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams,
"MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!"
The mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
Two men were talking in the pub.
One said,
"Last night, I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula'."
"Oh," said the other, "what was she like?"
"Hmm... she was about six foot three, white as a ghost
and she had big red staring eyes and fangs."
The other responded,
"Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like?"
Waking up after a restless night,
Susan turned to her husband George and frowned.
"I can’t believe it! All night long you kept cursing me in your sleep!"
she complained.
George replied, "Who was sleeping?"
A thrifty guy was looking for a birthday present
for a friend. Everything was too expensive for him except for a glass
vase that had been broken.
So he asked the store to send it in the hope that
his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
Two days later he got an email from his friend: "Thanks for the vase.
It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
At age 3, success is - not peeing in your pants.
At age 10, success is - having friends.
At age 19, success is - having sex.
At age 32, success is - making money.
At age 70, success is - having sex.
At age 80, success is - having friends.
At age 90, success is - not peeing your pants.
A mother said to her daughter,
"Michelle, what seems to be the problem? You've been
married for four years, and you still don't have a child.
I had hope of being a grandmother by now, you know!"
Her daughter was sad to hear that, she explained,
"Mom, I just don't know! Bill tries all the time,
it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing."
A man was sad and embarrassed.
"Cheer up, what's wrong with you?" his best friend tried to console him.
"Please don't ask."
"I'm your best friend. You can talk to me."
"My 8-year-old son made my secretary pregnant."
"What!? That's impossible! How?"
"He punctured my condoms!"
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